dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
