I am puke
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize