Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
