the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
