Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
