Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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