I puked a lego.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
