Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
