oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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