you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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