First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
