I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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