When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
