This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
