i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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