hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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