he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
