Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
