You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
