Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
