I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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