I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
