so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize