hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
