At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
