we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
