There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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