plz talk dirty to me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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