2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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