Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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