Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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