dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
