Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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