Michael Bay diarrhea
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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