sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
