i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
