I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
