my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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