so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
