My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Damn victory sex feels great
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
