Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
