I will die if light touches me.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
