Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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