Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
