Swine flu is the new snow day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
