God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize