I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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