He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
