i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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