I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
