omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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