The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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