What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
