I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
