she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The ass gains better be worth it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
