Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize