So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
