nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
