I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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