im holly from the hills drunk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
