u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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