And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
