So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
