i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize