oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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