Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
