why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry about my life...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
