I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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