I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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