I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
