What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
